Get My SH** Together!

Ironic? I'm not sure if that's even the right word.  My last post was about remembering to be thankful for my children and not let the messes that said children make rule my thoughts/attitude.  Today I have to change directions.  I was confronted by Hubby last night about The Mess.  I stay home all day and am supposed to be the homemaker, right?  Yes, I agree....BUT.  It is difficult when someone I love points out my struggles (of which I am perfectly aware).  My first instinct - go on the defensive, of course.  But today, after the smoke and my thoughts have cleared I know that things have to change.  I was even given an ultimatum. Sort of.

If I can't handle all the kids and keeping up our home then homeschooling would just be too much to add to my plate.  (Kindergarden starts in just a few short months.)

In my mind I only have one option.  I have to get my shit together!  My children's future is important to me.  The future of my marraige is also important to me.  Being a good homemaker and homeschooling my children are VERY important to me.

So it's time to find some balance.  This homemaking business does not come naturally to me so it may be lots of  "two steps forward, one step back" times, but this is not something at which I am willing to fail.

A Sad Reminder

I have been trying to get control over my frustration at the house constantly being a mess. Especially from my mischevious 2 year old. It is the biggest problem I have these days. Even so, I still find my self clicking from blog to blog at all hours of the night while telling myself "I should get off the computer and just put away some laundry or sweep the floor or do dishes or SOMETHING." 

Tonight I happened across a blog of a mother of 6 that lost one child a few months ago. A little boy, almost 2 years old. She said such things as - I miss him dragging my dishes all over the house, getting fruit out of the fridge and taking one bite, and biting the tips off all the markers.

After reading her story and crying for a long time (it's the kind of tears you shed for someone you don't know because you know that their pain could very easily be your own) I got up and walked around my home.

There were the dishes.

There was the laundry.

There was the mess under the highchair.

And there was the mess that my 2 year old had made when he got into the closet just before bed and decided to make a mess for the fun of it. He got yelled at for not picking it up. But in the midst of getting 4 children off to bed the mess was forgotten.

I would normally leave it for the morning and wake up to it which would make me irritated right away. Tonight I decide to clean it up myself, here in the dark, in the quiet, while Brian is out and the kids are sleeping safely I say out loud to myself, "I would clean it up every day for the rest of my life if I could see their smiles everyday."

I won't remember the messes and neither will they. But we will remember the snuggles, the laughter, and the smiles.